* * *
I feel like grabbing a random kid by the shoulders and screaming:
"I'm you from the future!"
* * *
Listen, I'll drink responsibly when they come out with a brand of scotch named 'Responsibly'.
* * *
Bad decisions make the best stories!
* * *
"Nobody ever asked me what I wanted..."
-Santa suicide note
* * *
Showering with my girlfriend...
Her:
"Ooh baby, just do what feels natural ;)
...Wait... WTF! ...Are you peeing!??!?!!"
* * *
It doesn't matter how badass you are... When a child hands you their plastic toy cellphone... You answer it.
* * *
I was at the gym and there's a new machine there. I only used it for about 1 hour and I started to feel sick...
It's got Snickers, Mars, Twix...
* * *
I hate when you have headphones on and get a mini heart attack when someone touches your shoulder.
* * *
I drew my gun. The guy in front of me drew his gun. Then I drew my other gun, and soon we were surrounded by some lovely drawings of guns.
* * *
"I love your hair."
"Thanks, I grew it myself."
Vir - Twitter:
@Rhodes411
@itsWillyFerrell
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