torek, 23. april 2013

Kulula - Letalska družba, ki se ne jemlje resno

Kulula is a South African low-fare airline that doesn't take itself too seriously.
Check it out










Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg.
Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:


On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

              * * * * *

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.  This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

              * * * * *

Upon landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.  If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

              * * * * *

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

              * * * * *

"Thank you for flying Kulula.  We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

              * * * * *

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

              * * * * *

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

              * * * * *

From a Kulula employee:  "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth.To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight.  It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

              * * * * *

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.  Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.  If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.  If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

              * * * * *

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.  Thank you, and remember,nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

              * * * * *

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

              * * * * *

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.  Please do not leave children or spouses."

              * * * * *

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.  Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

              * * * * *

On Kulula flight 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town,  the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault.  It was the asphalt."

              * * * * *

On a Kulula flight into Cape Town on a particularly windy and bumpy day, during the final approach the Captain really had to fight it.  After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City.  Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

              * * * * *

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

              * * * * *

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.  The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline."  He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had disembarked except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

              * * * * *

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.  And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

              * * * * *

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:  "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.  And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

              * * * * *

Heard on a Kulula flight:  "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.  If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."





--

Pravi biznis

Pravi biznis - serija izpod peresa Branka Đurića - Đura. Nadaljevanje popularnega Teatra paradižnik, v katerem se pojavlja tudi večina ključnih likov te slovenske humoristične serije.

Na spodnjem linku epizoda "Čistilni servis" v kateri so kot glasbeni gostje nastopali tudi Big foot mama.





--

Vicoteka #324


Ko se je zobar ravno nagnil nad pacientko, da bi začel z delom, je nenadoma trznil…
''Oprostite gospodična ampak to kar držite v roki so moja jajca…''
''Vem'', odvrne pacientka, ''tako bova oba bolj pazila, da drugega ne bo zabolelo… OK?''



* * *



What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church



* * *



Unfortunately our daughter was born retarded.

I think it must come from my sister's side of the family.




--

Attraction - predstava senc na Britan's Got Talent






--

četrtek, 18. april 2013

sreda, 17. april 2013

Pokojnina enaka plači


Vsakemu izmed nas se zdi samo po sebi umevno, da odvaja določen del plače za svojo pokojnino. Redki izmed nas pa so izračunali, kaj dejansko plačujemo in predvsem, koliko!

Glede na to, da takšnega izračuna v medijih še nisem zasledil, sem se odločil, da ga sam pripravim in tudi objavim.

Kot osnovo sem vzel neto plačo 1000 €, kar je približno 50 € nad povprečno neto plačo. V izračunu sem uporabljal program za izračun plače na spletni strani www.racunovodja.com, za izračun obresti pa spletno stran Abanke, kjer sem kombiniral namensko varčevanje z vezano vlogo. Po grobi primerjavi so bili izračuni drugih bank skoraj identični.

Kot osnovo sem vzel seštevek prispevka, ki ga plačuje posameznik (236 €), in tistega, ki ga plačuje podjetje (134 €), kar znese skupaj 370 €.

Nadalje sem ta znesek s pomočjo internetne aplikacije najprej namensko varčeval, po 5 letih pa vezal na obdobja po 6 let in začel na novo namensko varčevati isti znesek. Rezultat takšne kalkulacije je bil šokanten:
  Že po 23 letih bi privarčeval skupaj 146.850 €, kar bi ob vezavi zneslo letno 4.919 € obresti, kar pomeni mesečno 410 €. S takšno pokojnino danes živi kar nekaj upokojencev, ki so delali vse življenje.

 Po 29 letih bi ta znesek znašal skoraj 211.000 €, kar bi ob vezavi prineslo kar 7.068 € letno ali 590 € mesečno. Takšna bo verjetno višina naše pokojnine po obstoječem sistemu.

 Po 35 letih bi ta znesek znašal skoraj 300.000 € (natančneje 292.208 €), letne obresti pa 9.787 € ali 815 € mesečno. To pa je kar za 212 € več, kot je decembra 2008 znašala povprečna pokojnina (602,90 – podatek s spletne strani SPIZ).

 Če pa izračunamo, kaj bi to pomenilo pri 40 letih delovne dobe, pridemo do vratolomnega zneska 382.128 €. Tak znesek bi navrgel 12.800 € obresti letno ali kar 1.066 €/mesec. To pa je višina pokojnine, ki smo jo slišali v obljubah nekaterih strankarskih prvakov.

 Če bi torej želeli imeti mesečne prejemke po zaključku delovne dobe enako visoke, kot je vaša plača, ni potrebnega nič drugega, kot ukiniti pokojninski sistem, ki ga poznamo, in namesto tega uvesti le obvezo, kolikšen del od plače je posameznik dolžan varčevati za svojo starost.

 Sedaj pa še glavna razlika med predlaganim in obstoječim sistemom.

 Mesečni znesek 815 €, ki bi ga upokojenec prejemal po 35 letih delovne dobe, bi bile le obresti, kar pomeni, da bosta dedek in babica po svoji smrti zapustila dedičem celotno glavnico v znesku 584.416 € (2 x 292.208 €), s čimer bi lahko npr. vsak od štirih vnukov kupil luksuzno stanovanje ali hišo za 146.000 €!

 Razlike med obstoječim in predlaganim sistemom lahko strnemo v tri točke:

 1. Mesečni prejemek upokojenca bi znašal v povprečju za 30% več kot sedaj,

 2. upokojevali bi se lahko v povprečju 5 let prej brez obremenjevanja države,

 3. po smrti bi za upokojencem ostalo v povprečju 292.208 € glavnice.


 Zelo pomembno vprašanje, ki logično sledi iz zgornje kalkulacije, pa je: kam izpuhti 292.208 € glavnice po vsakem umrlem upokojencu? Če upoštevamo statistični podatek, da je v letu 2008 umrlo 18.308 oseb, in če predpostavimo, da je bilo med njimi 10.000 upokojencev, je z njimi vred neznano kam izpuhtelo kar 3 milijarde evrov ali približno
 tretjina državnega proračuna!

 Zato predlagam vladi, da dosedanji pokojninski sistem ukine in namesto tega uzakoni obvezno varčevanje v znesku dosedanjega prispevka.

 Stroškov za sistem tako ne bo več, njegovo vlogo bodo prevzele banke in zavarovalnice, ki bodo z dobro naložbeno politiko tudi kaj zaslužile in državi prinesle nove davke.

Posledice takšnega sistema bi bile naslednje:
 1. zaradi zgodnje upokojitve bi več mladih dobilo zaposlitev,

 2. zaposleni bi se upokojili po 35 letih delovne dobe in bi zdravi uživali starost,

 3. s privarčevano glavnico bi lahko rešili stanovanjski problem mladih za večno,

 4. izračun pokojnine bi bil jasen in predvidljiv, predvsem pa neodvisen od vlade.

 A ravno četrta točka je tista, ki politiki (predvsem Desusu) ne more biti po godu, saj bi s tem postale pokojnine jasne in urejene in nihče več ne bi mogel pred volitvami obljubljati 1.000 € najnižje pokojnine ali s to občutljivo populacijo kakor koli drugače manipulirati.

 Zato lahko pričakujemo le, da se bo sistem, ki bi se moral sam vzdrževati, začel zadolževati, vlada pa bo začela v obliki davkov pobirati vsem, ki še kaj imajo, da bo lahko ohranila trenutni pokojninski sistem (z nekaj kozmetičnimi popravki).

 Nihče pa se očitno ne zaveda, da bo zvišanje starostne meje za upokojitev in bonitete za delo po tej starosti še dodatno skrčilo že tako ozek izbor kvalitetnih delovnih mest za mlade.

 Ko poslušam nekatere predstavnike oblasti, se nikakor ne morem znebiti občutka, da je njihov cilj čim krajši čas med upokojitvijo in pogrebom, zares optimalno pa bi bilo, če bi ljudje umrli kar na svoj zadnji delovni dan.



Vir: via e-mail (Igor Jurišič, Ruše)

torek, 16. april 2013

Vicoteka#323

Whats got 2 heads 7 arms and 19 legs?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon



* * *



So I hear the Boston Marathon was won by a nose..... an ear and a finger.



* * *



The marathon at the Rio 2016 Paralympics just got a lot more competitive...




- -

ponedeljek, 15. april 2013

Vicoteka #322


Muško društvo u kafani; svi se vesele a samo jedan čuti.
- Šta ti je brate ? Što si tužan ?
- Ma ništa... žena mi je HIV pozitivna...

...Šta ste svi pobledeli? Zezam se.




* * *



On a scale of 1-10, I'd say I was pretty bad at using pre-set parameters.



* * *



Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock...

Who's there?

Michael J Fox



* * *



Bodoči tast
Hčerka tajkuna bi se rada poročila z fantom iz revne a verne družine.
Povabijo ga na spoznavno večerjo in po večerji se oče s fantom pogovori na štiri oči ;
- Ali ti veš da moja hčer mesečno za garderobo porabi 1000 EUR ? Od kje ti denar za to ?
- Bog nama bo pomagal.
- Ali ti veš da se vozi samo v Mercedesu ? Kako ji ga boš kupil ?
- Bog nama bo pomagal.
- Najrajši ti niti ne povem koliko letno porabi za potovanja, kako boš to rešil ?
- Bog nama bo pomagal.

Ko fant odide domov, hčerka steče k očetu ?
- Oči, kakšen se ti kaj zdi moj ljubljeni fant ?
- Nekako naiven in otroško neumen, vendar mi je nekako prirastel k srcu s tem ko me imenuje Bog.




--

torek, 09. april 2013

Welcome to Ljubljana

Predstavitev Ljubljane v videu narejenem večinoma iz fotografij in v tilt-shift tehniki






--

Filmska glasba se sreča z metalom

Superman Meets Metal





Pirates of the Caribbean Meets Metal





Star Wars Meets Metal





Back to the Future Meets Metal





Pa še za konec en ne-filmski, ampak vseen super: Trololo Meets Metal





--