What takes up 18 parking spaces? 9 Women drivers.
* * *
Me:
"Hello, ambulance I think my friend is dead! What should I do?!"
911:
"First make sure he is actually dead!"
*shotgun sound*
Me:
"Okay. Now what?"
* * *
I want my last words to be: "Hold my beer and watch this!"
* * *
People look at me and think I'm fat... I'm not fat, I'm just so sexy that it overflows.
* * *
Police station toilet stolen. Cops have nothing to go on.
* * *
Fast way to screw up someone's Knock Knock joke?
"It's open."
* * *
How do five gay guys walk? In One Direction...
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