* * *
Chuck Norris does not masturbate. He rapes his hand.
* * *
Alcohol: Because we all know, you don't make friends with salad.
* * *
I wrote a book on penguins. Paper would have probably been better...
* * *
"What doesn't kill you, makes you smaller."
Super Mario
* * *
To all those who said I couldn't make jokes about blind people... watch me.
* * *
Try this for fun:
Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying "Sorry for the damage".
Watching them is priceless.
* * *
Cleavage... its like the Sun: OK to take quick glances, but dangerous to stare
* * *
It's all about perspective. For example, the sinking of the Titanic was really a miracle to all the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
* * *
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
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