So that when it's on, you get: “Are you sure you want to send this text?”
* * *
Touch it gently, put 2 fingers inside, if it's wide use 3 fingers, make sure it's wet, rub up and down.
Yup... that's how you wash a cup.
* * *
Awkward moment: when a serial killer picks up a rapist.
Rapist: "Turn down that dark road."
Killer: "I was planning on it."
* * *
Do women also shake the gas pump twice after filling up? Or is that just a man thing?
* * *
When you have a pet it's good. You can blame all suspicious sounds on them when in bed.
*BANG!*
"What was that?"
" ...it was just the fish..."
* * *
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?
* * *
Twilight fans, vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them... they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
* * *
SMS:
"Sorry about those texts last night. My phone was drunk."
* * *
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay.
That solves that problem.
* * *
Patient: "How much longer do I have?"
Doctor: "Ten"
Patient: "Ten What!?!"
Doctor: "Nine...”
* * *
I've always wanted to go into an elevator full of strangers and say "I bet you're wondering why I've gathered you all here today".
* * *
Make the little things count.
Teach midgets math.
Vir - Twitter:
@Rhodes411
@itsWillyFerrell
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