sreda, 04. september 2013

Vicoteka #334

How do you get the attention of a group of Mexicans? You say, "Excuse me, can I have your attention please?"




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What did the Russian man say to his neighbour? Привет соседу.




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Why can't Michael Jackson play table tennis? Because he's dead.




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Why did the fish fall off the bike? Because it's a fish. Are you stupid?




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What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common? Both are not a lamp.




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What do you call ten black men running down the street? A race.




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What's the similarity between a bird and a turtle? They can both fly. Except for the turtle.




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If there are 3 apples, and Johnny takes away 3 of them, how many apples does Johnny have? None, because Johnny got hit by a train.




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My friend thought that an onion was the only food that could make you cry, so I threw a watermelon at his face.




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What's yellow and really good at mathematics? A yellow calculator.




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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Amblyopsidae, or blindfish, commonly found in caves where they are well adapted to life in the dark.




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Why can't the T-Rex clap his hands? Because he's extinct.




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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Still a deer. The absence of eyes doesn't change the animal's species.




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A Christian, a Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar. After a nice evening, they all leave with a deeper appreciation for each other's religions.




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What did the polar bear say to the penguin? Nothing, they don't live on the same continent.




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A polar bear and a seal are sitting on an ice floe. The polar bear looks at the seal and says, "RAWRRRRRRRRRGGG" and then kills and eats it.




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What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.




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Why didn't the Asian ask for a calculator? Because he was doing the dishes and a calculator seemed rather inappropriate.




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