* * *
More women than men received a PhD last year proving that girls are thinker. I mean more thinky. Thoughtfuller.
Look at my boobs!
* * *
I can't believe "strap on" backwards is "no parts". That's literally the most ironic thing in the world.
* * *
The fact that axe handles are made of wood is the ultimate "fuck you" to trees.
* * *
I remembered my wedding anniversary today.
It was last week.
* * *
Me and my mates were playing poker for drugs.
I won the pot.
* * *
Don't play with a woman's heart, she only has one. Play with her boobs, she's got two of those.
* * *
What's the worst thing to do to a blind person? Leave the toilet plunger in the toilet.
* * *
When a Facebook friend says their hamster died it takes al of my power not to comment
"Did they fall asleep at the wheel"?
* * *
I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.
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