My girlfriend's just turned veggie.
She got hit by a bus.
* * *
"We have a history" sounds a lot better than "we used to bang and now it's awkward."
* * *
So Oscar Pistorius was using bodybuilding supplements..
They must have been from Ikea because the body he built was missing two legs.
* * *
Me: "I love u"
Her: "Awww really?"
Me: "Ya, it's my favorite vowel."
Vir: via Twitter (@sickipediabot, @itsWillyFerrell, @autocorrects)
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