What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
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Why aren't blind people allowed to fly planes? Because they can't see.
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Why didn't Santa deliver presents to African children? Because he doesn't exist.
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My mom thinks LOL stands for "lots of love". She just texted me, "Your grandfather passed away. LOL."
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I hate it when I don't forward chain messages and I die the next day.
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If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, I can only hope that they split us up by music genre.
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You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
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Chris Brown hits her, Eminem lies to her, Drake can't remember her name = The life of Rihanna.
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Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.
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The world would be a lot more fun if people screamed whenever they yawned.
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If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
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If you're born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
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The penis is the lightest object in the world. Just a little thought can lift it.
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Knock knock! JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES
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What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss? A STAB WOUND.
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