torek, 12. marec 2013

Vicoteka #319

My dad did the best Elvis impression ever tonight!

I've just found him dead in the toilet.

* * *

I got a 'Final Warning' letter from the bank today.

Thank fuck for that. I didn't think they would ever stop bothering me.

* * *

I've never asked a rhetorical question.

How cool is that?

* * *

Cop, looks at license:
“Says here you need glasses.”
“I have contacts.”
“I don't care who you know, you're not getting out of this one.”

* * *

My wife says that I am a terrible racist. She is a fucking liar, I am an excellent racist.

* * *

Chuck Norris won the lifetime achievement award. Twice.


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