sreda, 02. september 2015

Vicoteka #367

Mlad moški z žensko v avtu ustavi vozilo na neki gozdni cesti, daleč ven iz mesta. Preden začneta seksati, dekle reče:
“Pozabila sem ti povedati... Sem prostitutka in računam 20 EUR.”
Moški ji, obotavljaje, izroči denar, nakar opravita svoje.
Moški skadi cigaret in očitno se mu nikamor ne mudi.
“Zakaj se ne odpeljeva,” ga vpraša punca.
“Pozabil sem ti povedati, a jaz sem taksist. Vožnja nazaj do mesta stane 25 EUR...”



* * *



The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Yes?"
"Mrs. Ward, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously. ...
"Well, one Mr. Ward tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one was positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.Ward.
"Normally, yes, but Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."



* * *



Abrahamovec Francelj se zbudi sredi noči, ker ga tišči lulat.
Vstane, gre na WC, med lulanjem pogleda svojega tiča in mu pravi:
"Vidiš, kadar me ti potrebuješ, jaz vedno vstanem."



* * *



Mujo: Joooj Fato kako imaš lijepo tijelo.
Fata: Hvala, to mi je od plivanja.
Mujo: Mogla si malo i glavu smočit.



* * *



I was so drunk last night at the bar when I walked across the dance floor to get another drink I won the dance competition.



* * *




Ugledna gospa pride k psihiatru in potoži:
''Gospod doktor. Sploh ne vem, kaj naj storim. Moj mož želi, da se v postelji obnašam kot cipa!''
Psihiater premisli in reče:
''Računajte mu!"




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